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Blog No. 003            (Previous / Next)                  4:39AM

An Apple Family Reunion...

If you know me at all, you'll know that I have an iPhone and love it.  I really, really, love it.  In fact, science permitting, some day I hope to physically mate with it and start an iFamily in an iHome and have lots of iBabies (pictured below).

But that's not my point.  Something I definitely DO NOT love is Apple's current line of iPods.  Let's face it: the whole line up is a mess.  I mean, for example, let's start with the top.  Here is the iPod touch, the flagship of the iPod brand.

The iPod touch is, let's face it, the whore of the iPod family.  "Ooh, look, you can put your fingers all over me, ooh, squeeze my screen, oooh, look how thin I am."  Cut the crap, touch; we know are hiding an eating disorder.  The fact of the matter is that you know you hate it, but you can't help but say DAMN whenever you get your hands on it.  That is why the touch is nothing more than an (expensive) prostitute.

But moving on...

The repackaged iPod classic.  Yes, this is the overweight, raving, uncomfortable uncle you try to avoid at dinner.  Nobody but those with a "serious" media library really pay attention to him, but he will be quick to point out his larrrrge hard drive.  He lives a life of denial...he knows he is simply the iPod video in an aluminum case, but he pretends to reign supreme.  You do your best to avoid him; you're content with your old iPod.

                     (2008)                          (2007)

What in the hell kind of botched techno-bortion led to this gargoyle of an offspring?  The "new and improved" nano?  You have to be kidding me!  This is your fat nine year old cousin who is quick to flaunt her video and game capabilities, but just cant face the facts: SHE GOT FAT.  There comes a point when you just have to tell your cousin "I don't care how good you feel in my hands, nobody pays attention to you if you're a fat pig. And you are."

Moving on.

I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.  Meet the most unloved iPod (if you can even call it that) in the family: the shuffle.  What started as a pregnancy test (see picture below) turned into the midget dwarf that sits around and does nothing.

(Pregnancy test or iPod shuffle? Nobody knows.)

Yes, the two generations have shuffles have done pretty much nothing but play your music for you without letting you even pick your own song.  How rude.

So there you have it.  You can take the new line with a grain of salt (like me) or piss and moan about it (also like me), but we know one thing is certain: in a few weeks we'll probably have seventeen new ones to choose from.

Chris

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